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Hi Nancy,
Beliefs, Sequence, and Post Traumatic Growth.
I have a lot of clients that come to me after having had a bad accident with horses or even injuries and health issues that were not horse related. For many of these riders, they had a belief and confidence in themselves before the accident and subsequent months of rehab. Many at high levels of riding. When they call me to coach, they have self-diagnosed themselves as now having post traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD). For other riders, they show up to their riding and coaching with me feeling like they have PTSD just from a bad habit of repeating self-harm; psyching themselves out with limiting beliefs about their age, concerns about new courses, new horses, new divisions, new trainers or new horse shows.
But as they inch their way back on the “comeback trail”, they usually do so with two problems that are holding them hostage; an identity of being a fearful rider and beliefs about a PTSD diagnosis that is now stuck in their cells or that has disabled them to become less powerful and effective in their riding and their life.
My prescription is always the same; change your identity (decide you are fearless) and change your beliefs (I believe I can show up and ride like a Rockstar!) Now, in the beginning, of course these riders, who now see themselves as damaged or weakened, don’t “buy” their new identities or their beliefs. But I assure them not to even give that a second thought. Don’t focus on it. (Who says you have to believe 100 percent? Where is that written down as the only truth or fact?) Because the REAL truth is, you don’t! You just need to make those two decisions and then show up and act as if!
How well does that work? So well, even riders that weren’t confident before an injury, that have always been held back somewhat by a lack of confidence or fears, have been able to turn around and adopt a completely new set of beliefs at the snap of a finger!
My late husband, Jack Miles, a former Olympian gymnast who was inducted into 4 Hall of Fames, tells his story about how he believed in himself to achieve that ultimate success when he first started learning how to do gymnastics. Wait, right from the beginning when he had no idea what he was doing and wasn’t very good at it?
Yup! Ask him how it was that he believed in himself, and his answer was, “I just made a decision to do so.” Period. And so you might imagine that he was supported and driven by his family, friends, trainers and others to believe that, right? You would be wrong. In fact, quite the opposite! Everyone told him he was crazy and that he couldn’t do it. Well, that was the good news, because it made him so angry, he channeled the power from the anger to drive him to prove them all wrong! That’s what we call “finding your leverage” that works for you. (It is different for every person.)
He started with a decision to change his identity. He then matched that with a belief! Then he mirrored those two actions by practicing to show up and train as that person with those beliefs.
But as one of my clients tried to apply this technique, she made some progress with her riding, but she was still hesitant and not all in. And this is how our conversation went …
Client (on the comeback trail from a bad injury): OK, but even if I do get to the point where I believe in myself, how do I convince my trainer that I am ready to show?
Me: Sell or be sold! If she doesn’t doesn’t believe you, then you haven’t convinced her! (Which also means, you haven’t convinced your horse.) Don’t blame the trainer. Or the horse. Take extreme ownership for your results in life! It is YOUR job to sell her and your horse! When people don’t believe what you are “saying” to them, it is because you are not “communicating” effectively. If you show up and perform like a hesitant, second-guessing rider, then your actions (or lack thereof) are selling them on the wrong belief! They will respond accordingly. In fact, with life in general, if you ever communicate a “story” to another person, and they don’t believe you, it is because of the way you explained your story; as believable or not! Step one for success in life is to take complete, extreme ownership of that!
Belief is a DECISION you need to make which is how you shift gears. When you aren’t making progress moving forward, if is because you are waiting for a magical shift inside before you take action. Wrong sequence! DECIDE to show up with belief and act like a confident Equestrian Rockstar ANYWAY, then DECIDE to execute like one, and then she (and your horse) will believe you! You are either “all in” with your beliefs and MATCHING actions or others will count you out. And call you out!
Client (the following week): It worked! I make a decision and committed to the action and totally sold it! I am going to the show AND my trainer let me hack my other horse; my newly imported Grand Prix prospect horse that she is training!
Sequence is the other magical key! If you can think back to the time when you were learning how to do lead changes, you will remember that you had a list of things you had to do as far as aids to make a horse change leads. But they ONLY worked if executed in the correct order. So it is with other things in our lives; that the magic happens when we execute in the proper sequence.
What did my client learn from this? “I’m such a control freak! And I realized that by holding on to that and being all up in my head and showing up with the wrong intentions (It was all about me!), I was actually numb to my horse. By letting go and making the decision to show up like an empowered leader that CARES about how my horse is feeling, I listen with my whole body now. All my radars and senses are open. My intention shifted from judgement, resistance, and blocking to getting to know her and to understand her better. Now I am so present with her, and she responds by connecting back to me and being SO present with me! I can experience the bonding and the teamwork! Everything that is going on with our partnership and our ride … all the feelings and feedback I receive … is so magnified now. The crystal clear communication between us just effortlessly flows. I was totally unaware of how numb I was to her before.”
So the accident and injuries turned out to be “Life is not happening TO us, but FOR us!” Tony Robbins. This rider has transformed from a disabling label of PTSD to adopting an empowered “Identity Brand” of PTG (Post Traumatic Growth!) Many of my riders who are new to coaching with me are waiting for the “big shift” to happen before they act … which they assume magically appears just from having phone sessions with me. But the truth is, they have to use the tools I am giving them and take action first, and THEN the shift happens. Just like with courage which comes only AFTER we move forward into that courageous action. This is why pushing hesistant soldiers out of an airplane for their first parachute jump is sometimes necessary, right? If we wait for courage to appear, we could wait forever. Take the action first, step into the uncertainty and fear, and the courage appears.
Identity, beliefs, and sequence. These are not all the pieces of the puzzle, but they are some of the key ones. For more information and stories on how I figure out a rider’s puzzle and help them to shift into their Equestrian Rockstar, you can purchase my paperback book, “Equestrian Rockstars: Solving Your Puzzle for Riding With Confidence and Joy” on Amazon!
To set up a time to chat to explore coaching with me to turn around your riding and your life, please book a time here.
Schedule a free phone consult
Generate a powerful and successful day today!
Nancy Dye
Breathrough, Equestrian Mental Skills Coach
Emotional Strength & Resilincy Trainer
Strategic Interventionist
1-561-866-0402
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