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Nancy,
What is the difference between being desperate or determined to win?
The difference is losing or winning in the ring. Yes, it is THAT key.
I sent a text to one of my junior rider clients (who is two sessions away from graduating from my program), and I asked her to define these two ...
Because she excels at using determination to win. Her answer was:
"Desperation has a negative ring to it.
If you’re desperate, you can want to win so much to the point of psyching yourself out.
Determined, on the other hand, is positive.
When you are determined, you are not going to let anything get in your way!
You are going to work mentally and physically until you win!
Being determined is an empowered state of mind." Natalie Coffin
And I will add to that this:
Note the definition of desperate which is …
1. feeling, showing, or involving a hopeless sense that a situation is so bad as to be impossible to deal with.
2. (of an act or attempt) tried in despair or when everything else has failed; having little hope of success.
Desperate to win shifts us into a gear of a need to chase it.
Why do we need to chase something we already have?
If we are a winner, why do we need to chase that, right?
Why do we need to chase results that you already believe and are confident that you will generate and make happen?
Because deep down inside, we don't believe or feel that it is going to be there for us.
It's the same “desperate” mindset of going down a line to a jump ...
That if you tell yourself you don't see the distance ...
Or think that it may not appear ...
Than you panic and start "hunting down" that distance ...
Which just makes it disappear even more or become unattainable.
Why is that? Because we are focusing on the chase or hunting …
With a mindset of “it may not happen.”
Instead of being laser focused on doing what works to acheive the mission ...
With an empowered mindset of confidence that we will succeed.
It is similar to the insanity of using this approach to catching butterflies.
Running and chasing them while waving a butterfly net ...
All the while feeling frustrated and worked up …
(We ALL want to run away from someone with that approach, right?)
But if you sit quietly and confidently ...
Knowing they will come to you if you use that correct approach …
Of staying calm and relaxed with a welcoming and open energy (not a desperate energy) …
They come and sit on your shoulder.
So we don’t focus on hunting down ...
We wait for the distance to come to us ...
Determined to "nail the jump" by knowing we will execute the details of every stride down to the jump; confident in our ability to adjust if we need to.
And viola, the jump will appear and be served up to you.
Want to win a class?
Change your focus to generating the results you want by focusing ...
On the details of the ride with the correct mindset …
The calm confidence and that comes from knowing WHO YOU ARE ...
A capable, winning Equestrian Rockstar!
Rather than showing up as your Old Rider Identity overflowing with limiting beliefs ...
And frantically focusing on what you don't have and are afraid you won't get.
So that toxicity of "desperate" and the emotions and actions of chasing, are all just out of control emotions that the horse will feel …
(Or the interviewer will sense if you are on a job interview, etc.)
Is being driven by fear!
And not driven from the REAL confidence of winning.
(AND DON'T MISS THIS LAST PART!!!)
Desperation also being driven by the fear of disappointment.
And the fear of embarrassment. (For each rider, they all have their own list of PERCEIVED negative consequences of not winning.)
Therefore RESILIENCY, and being able to handle disappointment, are the keys to overcoming being stuck in the mental state gear of being "desperate to win."
Because if it isn't so painful to lose ...
Then you won't be so driven to become desperate to win.
You will show up empowered and become determined to win!
(This is also what makes good negotiators; they are ready to walk away from the negotiating table!)
I love this line by the well-known, “celebrity” entrepreneur Gary "Vee."
"I'm not afraid to lose, so how are you going to beat me now?"
Be DETERMINED (not desperate) to GENERATE a great day today!
WEF is around the corner! Beat your competitors to it!
Make sure you have reserved and locked in the best/most popular coaching times on my winter circuit calendar!
Nancy Dye
Peak Performance Mental Skills Coach
Emotional Strength & Resiliency Trainer
Strategic Interventionist
1-561-866-0402
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